moments in entropy

The Rules of Walking

Walking is something everyone learns during the first years of our life. It seems like after our 2nd or 3rd birthday we are the masters of this human ability, thus we walk carefree. Besides, who else can walk upright other than humans? Chimpanzees? Puh-lease.

But why oh why, even after years and decades and millenias of practice, we still walk into trouble while walking? (pun intended) Did our ancestors forget to teach us something? What are we missing?

There are certain rules to walk by when walking (pun, again). These are the unspoken rules of walking. I'm not totally sure who came up with this, but I read about it here by coincidence. Here are the rules of walking, with teeny bits of my logic and reasoning:

Rule #1. When in groups, do not walk side by side.
In a shopping mall, walking side by side with your friends, especially if you have a big group of people, forms a wall. This blocks other people's way, and thus you will be bumped. Walking in line makes you look like a bunch of dopes though.

Rule #2. Give enough space for people to pass through.
If you are walking with your boyfriend/girlfriend, there is no practical reason for you to hold hands unless you have children that you don't want to run off, or if one of you are feeling unwell. If you really need to hold hands while walking, be sure to hold him/her close enough, or (for guys) wrap your arm around her shoulder or waist, so no one who is paying attention to his/her walking will try and pass through between the two of you. Otherwise, just leave a passable space, or else you will be bumped.

Rule #3. Your eyes should look in front.
Common sense: same logic as in driving. When walking, pay attention to where you are heading. Don't look left, right, up or down. Concentrate on your walking. Otherwise, you will be bumped.

Rule #4. Do not talk to your friends.
Actually, you can talk to them, but more importantly, pay attention to your walking. You can walk and talk - it's not anymore a chore to multitask these days. Walking and talking are the two things humans are most proficient in, so doing both at the same time shouldn't be a problem. SMSing or using the phone is a different story. Pay attention, or you will be bumped.

Rule #5. Do not daydream.
Concentrate. Doing anything without paying attention to what you are doing is never healthy. Daydreaming while walking is no exception to that. If you just got dumped, or too happy for winning the lottery, or just pissed that you almost did, still, walk safe. It is more important to reach home safely to cry 5 or 6 tears of joy/agony, than reach home in 5 or 6 pieces. Either way, do not daydream, unless you want to be bumped.

Rule #6. Do not stop suddenly and stop there pondering where to go.
Again, multitask. Thinking is another human ability that sets us apart from the beasts. Thinking while walking is easy, but prioritize walking and being wary of your surroundings. If you really need to stop to think very hard and your brain resources cannot handle thinking and walking at the same time, go the side. Or else you will be bumped.

Rule #7. Do not stop in the middle of the path.
Think about a car suddenly jamming the breaks and stopping in the middle of the road: an instant road hazard for unwary drivers. If you need to search your bag or make a call or send an SMS, go the side. Think, talk, and walk. Stop and get bumped.

And do not forget to follow the golden rule: Keep left.

Follow these rules and walk a happy life. Otherwise, you will get bumped.
Or you will get this:


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